


In the Shadows We Meet

by octopus_fool



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Discrimination, First Time, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-08
Updated: 2016-02-08
Packaged: 2018-05-19 00:36:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5949424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/octopus_fool/pseuds/octopus_fool
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Robbed of his illusions, Remus wanders around, only to end up exactly where you would expect "his kind" to go. He does not expect to meet someone he knows...</p>
            </blockquote>





	In the Shadows We Meet

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MildredMost](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MildredMost/gifts).



The words echoed hollowly in Remus’s ears as he stumbled through London. He had been naive, far too naive. Not everyone was as blind as a group of schoolchildren, all too occupied with their own small worries to see what was in front of them. 

He turned the collar of his jacket up. The wind was cold enough to make one look for warmth, but mostly, Remus didn’t want people to see his face. Didn’t want them to flinch back at what they might see. _Monster_.

It hadn’t been the first time either. His first employer had told him politely after just a few months that they would have to let him go. There had been an itch at the back of Remus’s mind. He _had_ always been punctual. He _had_ always done his very best and often been praised for it. He _had_ done everything he was asked to do and more, often working overtime and taking over shifts when his colleagues fell ill or had an emergency. And still… But his employer had been perfectly nice while giving him the card, so Remus had tried to explain it away and had vowed to make even more of an effort next time. 

When they fired him at his next job, they had been just as polite. As polite as someone was when they thought he’d rip their throat out if they weren’t. He had seen their fear, had seen how they gripped their wands as they spoke polite words and gave him the most splendid recommendations. He had _smelled_ their fear. 

Still, his next job would surely go better. He would be more careful, would work harder at concealing his condition. Everything would be fine. James had taken him aside and told him that it would be no problem at all to help Remus out financially should he ever need it. Remus had thanked him stiffly. He did not want charity. He wanted a job, one that would let him prove to himself and everyone he knew that being a werewolf would not stop him from being independent, from leading a good life. It would all work out in the end.

It did not. 

Remus had gone to work that morning after a fairly rough full moon, only to be greeted by his supervisor’s hostile face at the front gate.

“Here are your papers,” he had said, slamming them on the low wall surrounding the building. “They take effect immediately since you broke the contract by failing to inform us of your _condition_.”

“I’m sorry,” Remus had mumbled. “I can explain…”

“The only thing you will do is _leave_ , his supervisor had snapped. “Go back to where your kind belongs!”

Remus had picked up his papers, stuffed them in his bag and left, too stunned to reply. It wouldn’t have made any difference anyway.

He had been wandering about aimlessly ever since. He did not care where he went, did not care how much time passed. His stomach started growling after a while, but Remus ignored it. The wind howled around his face and dead leaves whirled past him. Cold began to seep through his clothes, but he did not want to go home. 

In fact, returning to his flat was the last thing Remus wanted to do. He did not want to see the unwashed plate from this morning’s breakfast or the rice salad he had made for the dinner at the Potter’s that evening. He did not want these reminders of when everything had still been alright. The thought of visiting James and Lily and listening to their wedding plans that evening made his stomach churn.

So Remus walked, not taking in the streets, the parks or the people rushing past him, eager to get out of the cold and back into their warm, comfortable lives. He walked, and he tried not to let his rage get the better of him. That was not him. That was the creature inside and he would not let it win. 

Except that it made no difference. He was not at Hogwarts anymore with a kindly headmaster looking out for him. This was the real world, not some artificial safe space. The monster was the only thing people would see.

Remus stumbled over an uneven cobblestone and was brought out of his grim thoughts. The sky was getting dark and the first lights were being lit behind the grimy windowpanes of the grey houses lining the street. A faded sign with the picture of an old lantern swung in the wind over the door of an old inn.

A bitter laugh escaped Remus’s lips. “The Rusty Lantern. Wonderful.” His feet had led him straight to where you’d expect to find “his kind”. How very fitting.

A sheet of icy rain hit Remus’s face and his stomach let out another rumble. He shrugged his shoulders. He might as well go in, Remus thought defiantly. Get acquainted with his kind.

 

The door shrieked as he pulled it open. A few heads in the dimly lit room turned his way, other guests only paid attention to their drinks or huddled together doing some kind of business. 

Remus ignored them and walked over to the bar. “Good evening. Is there some kind of menu I could have a look at?”

The man at behind the bar looked up from the crossword he was filling in. “There’s stew.”

“I’ll have some of that, then,” Remus said, not bothering to smile, as exhausted and unlikely to get a smile in return as he was.

“Payment in advance,” the barkeeper said, nodding at the faded chalk sign with the price and picking up a greasy plate.

Remus took the appropriate amount of coins out of his purse and set them down onto the sticky bar.

The barkeeper nodded over at one of the grimy tables with crumbs and the wet rings of glasses still on them. “I’ll bring it over.”

Remus sat down, taking a closer look around the room. There was a rowdy group of card players in the middle, at least halfway drunk and paying no heed to the noise they were making. The group at the table in the far corner was surrounded by such a haze that a concealment charm had to be involved in addition to the smoke of at least half a dozen cigarettes. But from what little Remus could see, they were busy with whatever deals they were conducting and not paying much attention to anyone else. The other guests were sitting at their tables alone or in pairs, no longer paying attention to Remus either. While the clientele was less than pleasant and while Remus wouldn’t be surprised if a bar fight broke out later, there seemed to be no immediate danger.

Except perhaps for food poisoning, Remus thought wryly as his dinner arrived. A half-hearted heating spell had been performed on the stew, but there was no knowing how long the overcooked mass had been sitting on the counter. Remus prodded at the pale potatoes and the suspiciously pink bits of sausage. Cautiously, he tried a bite. It tasted slightly rancid and the sausage was comprised more of gristle than meat, but he knew his stomach had seen worse under the light of the full moon. At least it was somewhat filling and slightly warmer than room temperature.

Remus concentrated on chewing, not wanting to think about anything. It took him a moment to realize that the barkeeper had returned to his table. With a huff, the barkeeper plopped a bottle of coke on the table. 

“Bloke in the corner with the travelling cloak. And just so you know, I have better things to do than play dumb games like this.”

“Sorry,” Remus replied, too stunned to say anything else. 

Muttering under his breath, the barkeeper made his way back to his crossword.

Remus looked towards the corner the barkeeper had gestured at. The dark hair, sharp nose and aristocratic features were all too familiar, but the face had a slightly pinched look to it which set it apart from the one Remus had seen every day for the seven years he had spent at Hogwarts. 

Remus inclined his head at him and the young man nodded back.

His mind spinning, Remus turned back to his food. What was Regulus Black doing in this run-down inn? And why in Merlin’s name was he treating Remus to a bottle of coke? Why coke, the most muggle-associated of all drinks? Was this some kind of trap? Was it poisoned? Or was there a band of Death-Eaters waiting around the corner?

He pushed another forkful of the potatoes into his mouth and chewed the already mushy mass as he reached for the wand in his coat. As subtly as he could, he swished it towards the bottle, the wand still hidden in his coat under the table. A small fizz of bubbles rose from the coke and the wand vibrated slightly in his hand to signal that no poisons had been detected. He repeated the motion and a few more bubbles rose to the surface. A different spell revealed that the drink didn’t contain any silver either.

Remus ate another mouthful of his stew, raking his brain for explanations. There was the obvious one, of course, but this was Sirius’s little brother, the perfect little pureblood who always did everything his family expected of him. Surely he wouldn’t… There had to be some other explanation.

Forcing his hand to remain calm, Remus took a sip of the coke. It tasted just like it should, if perhaps a bit warm. There was no hint of anything being off, no strange taste or scent. It was just a caffeinated beverage with fizz and lots of sugar.

He glanced back at Regulus. Regulus had been watching him and the corners of his mouth drew up into a tense smile. Not knowing what else to do, Remus smiled back and returned to his stew. What on earth was going on? 

Remus swallowed and took another drink. It had been too long a day for this. He was tired and too drained for riddles and mysteries. Chewing seemed the best way forward, he decided. Chewing until the stew was gone and then he would go home and forget about this, lying in his bed trying to sleep until he would face the realities of life tomorrow. Be the responsible adult he was supposed to be.

He looked up when someone cleared his throat in front of him.

“May I?”

Remus nodded and Regulus pulled out the chair and sat down opposite him.

“I thought this inn might be slightly less dreary with some company. You would be Remus, wouldn’t you?”

Remus nodded again. “And you are Regulus, right?”

“I am.”

They lapsed into silence, Remus eating his stew and Regulus taking swigs from his drink, his fingers drawing circles on the table. Perhaps it would be interesting to get to know his friend’s little brother a bit better now that the opportunity presented itself, after all, he only had Sirius’s tales to go on and Remus liked to draw his own conclusions. But that would take some conversation and Remus hadn’t particularly wanted any company tonight.

“Why coke?” Remus asked, the question bursting out of him before he had fully made up his mind.

Regulus looked a bit startled for a moment, then shrugged. “They say it is good for calming upset stomachs. I reckon you’ll need it. It takes a Gryffindor to eat _that_.” He nodded at the stew with a grimace and Remus had to chuckle.

“So you might as well have sent me chamomile tea?”

“I doubt they have any, and if they did, I’m not sure the state the cups are in wouldn’t just make everything worse. Maybe they’d have herbal liquor, but sending you alcohol might have given you the wrong impression.”

“Oh.”

An awkward silence settled over them, only the scrape of Remus’s spoon and the clink of Regulus’s bottle being set back on the table could be heard against the increasingly raucous backdrop of the card players.

“What brings you here? Don’t you have somewhere better to be?” Regulus finally asked. 

Remus felt a brief pang of guilt as he remembered the dinner at the Potters’ he was supposed to have attended. Then he was distracted by the glimpse of shrewd interest in Regulus’s face, just a bit more than harmless small talk should evoke. Remus reminded himself that this conversation was not entirely without risks. 

Still, a simplification of the truth seemed like the safest reply.

“I didn’t have a particularly good day and I got a bit lost. What about you?”

“I felt like trying out something different.”

It was a lie and they both knew it, but there was no use in calling him out on it. 

“And, is it to your liking?” Remus asked.

Regulus’s mouth slowly twisted into a grin until a chuckle escaped from his throat. The barkeeper cast them a glare. “I was hoping for something for a somewhat more refined palate,” Regulus said in a low voice. “But the wildlife is well worth the visit. I’m fairly certain I saw a cockroach earlier. How is the stew?”

Remus laughed as well. “I think some of the wildlife might have made its way into these sausages, but I’m not quite sure. Do cockroaches contain gristle?”

Regulus shuddered. “Am I ever glad I did not try the stew. I don’t know how you can eat that.”

He was watching Remus’s lips, Remus realized. Had been doing so for quite a while, in fact, now that Remus thought about it. Remus’s ears suddenly felt hot. 

“I’ve had worse,” Remus said. “Not often, but yes. I’ve definitely had worse.”

The lapsed into silence again, Remus continuing his meal. Regulus was definitely watching Remus’s lips and not just the questionable stew, Remus concluded after a while. The heat spread down his face and his neck. Hopefully, the light was dim enough to conceal his blush. 

Regulus caught him looking and looked away quickly, only to glance up at Remus again through his thick, dark lashes. This was ridiculous, Remus decided. He was sitting across from his best friend’s little brother and watching how he made eyes at him.

“So why did you send me that coke?” Remus asked. Perhaps being straightforward was the best way to dispel these absurd thoughts. “I mean, you explained why coke, but not why you sent me a drink at all.”

Regulus licked his lips and brushed a strand of hair out of his eyes. “I may have merely been fascinated that someone was foolish enough to eat that stew. And perhaps I was interested to know what kind of person was able to stand living in the same room as my brother for seven years.”

“And, what is your judgement on me so far?” Remus asked, becoming interested in seeing Regulus’s reaction under pressure. It was mostly because knowing this about a potential Death Eater might be useful in the future, he told himself. And only a tiny bit of fascination that someone actually seemed to be interested in Remus.

Regulus examined him and Remus felt his face turn even warmer. “I think you…”

There was an explosion of noise as the card players began shouting at each other. One of them smashed his bottle and brandished it in front of him and another jumped up and grabbed his seat as a weapon. Within seconds, all of them were picking sides. A few of the other guests were eager to join in as well.

“Oh shit,” Regulus said quietly. He grabbed Remus’s wrist and got up. “Follow me.”

He pulled Remus along to a door at the back of the room. He opened it and they found themselves in a hall with a staircase. 

“I thought they’d get into a fight sometime this evening, but not quite this soon,” Regulus said as crashes and shouts echoed on the other side of the door.

“Me too,” Remus agreed. “They were drunk enough though. I don’t think I’ve seen a bar fight before.”

“Oh, did you want to watch it?” Regulus asked, raising an eyebrow. “If so, feel free to go back in there…”

Remus shook his head. “No, I’m not that eager to be bashed over the head.”

That was when they realized Regulus was still holding Remus’s wrist. Regulus lightly traced over it with his thumb before letting go. And Remus felt his blood rushing south.

They stared at each other in the dimly lit hall. Regulus licked his lips and swallowed.

“I… I have a room upstairs.”

Remus swallowed too. He took a deep breath. “Okay.”

Remus’s ears rang as he followed Regulus up the stairs. What was he doing? What in Merlin’s name was he doing?

This was not him, following a near-stranger to his room, a near-stranger who might well be a Death Eater and who was also his friend’s little brother. This wasn’t who he was, throwing all caution to the wind and not planning things through, making sure nothing could go wrong. But things had gone wrong and right now, Remus was beyond caring. He wanted to forget, wanted to feel something other than the loneliness and despair that had engulfed him all day. He wanted not to care about consequences.

Regulus held the door open for Remus and they stood looking at each other in the dim light shining in from the street. The doubts were back and they seemed to be reflected in Regulus’s eyes as well.

“You are of age, aren’t you?” Remus asked.

Regulus snorted. “Of course. I was only one year below you, you know.”

He stepped closer to Remus and Remus’s breath caught in his throat as he suddenly felt the heat permeating from Regulus. Remus took half a step forward, bringing his body flush against Regulus. Regulus made a little sound in the back of his throat that went straight to Remus’s groin. He placed his hands on Regulus’s hips and Regulus buckled into him. 

Remus was surprised by the groan he heard coming from his own throat at the feel of Regulus’ erection hot against his thigh. He reached down to frantically unbuckle his trousers as Regulus did the same. Remus had just managed to pull off his own trousers when Regulus pushed him back towards the bed, toppling both of them onto the mattress, Regulus’s trousers still hanging around his knees. 

Regulus looked up at him with a questioning look on his face “Do you want me to..”, he trailed off. 

“Protective spell,” Remus murmured in answer, the uncomfortable half hour they had spent in the great hall listening to Flitwick drone on about certain necessary measures suddenly bobbing to the surface of his mind for a moment. Regulus nodded, pulling his wand out and performing one on himself before flicking the wand in a variation of the aguamenti spell that Remus had not seen before that coated Regulus’s fingers in some kind of lube. 

Remus’s breath hitched as Regulus tentatively breached his hole with one finger.

Regulus looked up at his face. “Are you…” 

Remus nodded, his face glowing. “I’m fine, go on.”

He closed his eyes, focusing on the sensation of Regulus carefully inserting one finger after the other and stretching him open. It felt surreal lying here like this with a man he barely knew in a shabby inn, to the sound of cars occasionally rushing past on the street below. 

“Remus? Do you think this is enough?” Regulus’s voice pulled Remus out of his thoughts.

“Yes,” he answered belatedly. 

The fingers were removed and Remus opened his eyes to see Regulus looking down on him uncertainly. His usually tidy hair was somehow already mussed and there were pink spots on his cheeks as he ran his eyes across Remus. His pupils were blown wide and he licked his lips again.

Remus wrapped his legs around him, pulling him closer. Angling Remus’s hips, Regulus slowly pushed inside him, both of them holding their breath. Regulus gave an experimental thrust and Remus’s world narrowed down to the feel of Regulus moving inside him, his hand traveling up and down his length. He barely noticed the protesting squeaks of the mattress, only Regulus’s panted breathing above him and his own low moans. It didn’t take long before Remus felt the pressure build up in his balls. With a muffled groan, Remus came, his come coating his stomach and shirt. 

Regulus continued driving into him for a few uncomfortable moments before he came as well, burying himself deep into Remus one last time and then going still, shivering, his weight on Remus and his skin hot against Remus’s sticky stomach.  
After a long moment, Regulus rolled off to the side, his breath ghosting across Remus’s face.

 

Remus must have dozed off because he woke with a jerk. Regulus still had a leg draped over one of his and seemed to have fallen asleep as well. His mouth stood open slightly against the threadbare bed sheet and his hair hung into his face. Remus watched him for a moment, the rise and fall of his chest tempting Remus to go back to sleep. 

Then he shook himself out of it. He inched his leg out from under Regulus’s, reached for his wand and performed a quick scourgify on himself, not daring to point his wand at Regulus even in so harmless a motion. He climbed out of the bed trying not to jostle it, but the old mattress squeaked nevertheless. 

Regulus blinked at Remus, sleep still heavy in his dark eyes. “Don’t go,” he muttered sleepily and Remus wasn’t quite sure how aware he really was of his surroundings.

“You know I can’t stay,” Remus replied, pulling his trousers back on. He looked around and on an impulse, transfigured one of the ratty doilies on the nightstand into a washcloth and performed another scourgify on it.

“Here, clean yourself up with it.”

Regulus rolled over and complied, still half-asleep. Remus couldn’t help but watch his long limbs.

“I should go now. Good night, Regulus.”

Regulus nodded. “Good night. I hope you remember the way home now.”

The corners of Remus’s mouth twitched into a smile. “I do, thanks. Goodbye.”

He left, closing the door behind him. 

The bar downstairs was abandoned save for the barkeeper and two lonely drunks. Remus hurried outside without sparing them a glance.

Outside, he took a deep, shaky breath. The cold air was crisp and fresh from the recent rain and felt good on his face. Remus took another deep breath and apparated to the street in front of his flat.

 

Three pairs of round, yellow eyes greeted him when he opened the door to his flat. Remus let out a low groan. Of course his friends had immediately assumed the worst when he hadn’t turned up at James’s flat for dinner. 

The poker had been knocked over from beside his fireplace, indicating someone had come through the floo as well. 

“Off you go,” Remus told the owls and received two reproachful glares and one white splat on his floor. “I’ll tell them I’m fine myself. Off you go, catch yourself some dinner.”

The owls took off. Remus decided to spare himself the guilt of reading the letters they had left behind and looked around the flat instead to make sure none of his friends was still there.

There was a note in Sirius’s scrawled handwriting on his bed. 

_“Fucking hell where are you! Everyone is worried sick!!!”_

Normally, Remus would have scowled at Sirius’s disregard of punctuation rules or been mildly exasperated at the fact that Sirius had clearly looked under his blankets to make absolutely sure he wasn’t there without bothering to right them afterwards. But now, Remus just felt weary to his bones. 

He grabbed a handful of floo powder and then halted. Usually, he would have flooed Sirius, but the thought of looking him in the eye after what had just happened was inconceivable. Instead, he knelt before the hearth and stated James’s address. 

He was greeted by a view of Lily’s bare ankles below a nightshirt. She was clearing off the table, but turned around immediately when the flames flared green.

“Remus! There you are! Is everything alright?”

“I’m fine. I’m sorry I made you worry about me.”

“I’m just glad to hear you are alright. Where were you? Don’t you want to come through? We still have a few leftovers in case you are hungry.” 

Remus shook his head. “No thank you. I just had a bad day and decided to go for a walk. It turned out to be a bit longer than I had planned.”

Remus could hear James gargling behind the door to the bathroom. Lily scrutinized Remus and narrowed her eyes. “You look horrible. Are you sure you don’t want to come over to eat something and talk about what happened?”

“To be honest, I just want to go to bed right now. I didn’t get much sleep these past few days, as you know. I’ll come over tomorrow to talk, if that’s alright.”

“Of course! If you are sure you are all right…?”

“I am,” Remus said, surprising himself with how much conviction he managed to put into the words. “I hate to ask this, but could you perhaps tell the others I’m alright? That is, if you don’t mind…”

“Of course I will!” Lily said, her frown becoming even more worried. “But if you aren’t here tomorrow by eleven o’clock, I will come over there myself, and you know that currently includes picking out colours for the tablecloths at the wedding and discussing seating arrangements…” She paused. “You do have the late shift this week? If not, tomorrow evening…”

Remus nodded. “I’ll be there before eleven.”

“Good. Have a good night’s sleep, Remus. And do take care of yourself and don’t do anything stupid, alright?”

“Of course. Good night!”

Remus pulled his head out of the fireplace. He let out a sound that was something between laughter and a sob. “Of course I won’t do anything stupid. Dammit!”

He crashed his hand against the metal in front of his fireplace and cursed again at the pain that shot through it.

He sat there for a moment, then he got up and took out the bottle of firewhiskey Sirius had deposited in his flat months ago. He blinked at the glasses, but then turned towards the mirror instead, raising the bottle to his reflection.

“To good choices!” He told himself, then proceeded to get spectacularly drunk.


End file.
